You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
