it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
