I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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