Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
