I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
