WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
