Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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