put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's blow job season.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
