bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
