Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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