you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
