Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
