seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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