So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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