Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
