Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
