Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
