Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
