i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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