why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
