You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
