When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
