i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
