names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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