Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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