All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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