maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i love accidental penises.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize