if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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