I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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