peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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