you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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