I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
