and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So squirting runs in the family.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
