Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
