Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize