Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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