Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
