My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
