life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
