why didn't you poke me back
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
