I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you inspire me to be a worse person
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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