NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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