Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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