I just saw a hot homeless man
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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