i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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