Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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