Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
