he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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