i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can I color on your dick again?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
