not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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