At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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