I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
