then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
