its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
