if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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