You really coming over, don't trick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
