I'm jealous of your bromance
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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