I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize