Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
