I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
