So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
