Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
