So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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