No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
