You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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