I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
