just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
