afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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