Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
