Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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