I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
that is very illegal...i love you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize