every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
