genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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