i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
