god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You pole danced in your parka.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
