By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
