Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
