The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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