And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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