I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize