Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize