why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
