I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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