can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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