you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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