i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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