So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
