paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
