He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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