Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
