Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
