I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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