I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
