just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
