I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
