my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
