Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
