I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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